Yes today is Trey’s birthday.  He would have been 8 today.  In fact, just a little while ago someone asked me how old my son “who was sick” was.  I told him, “Still 6.”  Rachel got an understanding (read: very awkward) head nod the other day when the topic of Trey came up.  Joe was teased at school a few months ago when a student told another to stay away from Joe as “his family has that cancer and it’s contagious.”  Bella…well, we don’t know if she has had any awkward “Trey” moments.  She either hasn’t had them or hasn’t told us or bludgeoned the individual who made them.  Too close to call really.

Yes, the loss of a loved one presents many emotional obstacles to overcome.  We have experienced many (obviously) overall and several in the last few months with tax season (that’s an ugly reminder), Trey’s headstone being installed, and now…his birthday.

Like I mentioned last year, we are not sad this day.  Trey would be bouncing off the walls excited and we would all celebrate all that is Trey.  So guess what?  Trey is bouncing off the walls today…in heaven.  We totally get that.  HOW that works we and I are not so sure but I’m absolutely positive that he is having a great time.  Those of us who were left behind are still going to celebrate all that is Trey today.  Joe and Bella and I talked about him on the way to school today.  I am going to buy them the same ridiculously sugar filled cookie monster cookie (if they still have them) from Oakmont Bakery that we gave them last year.  We will continue on with our life (Bella has a concert tonight…just like last year) and move on…just like we have.

Trey is always in our thoughts.  Thinking that he was born 8 years ago blows my mind.  It seems like 28.  I feel like the four years we battled with (and more realistically along side) Trey (he was kind of an independent warrior) was simply another lifetime.  The 39 years I was alive before Trey was diagnosed was my first lifetime.  The four years we fought for his life and the quality of life for ourselves and Joe and Bella were my second lifetime.  Now, I am a year and a half into my third.  The first two really seemed to be equal in terms of the toll it took on me…us.  Obviously, the first 39 were in preparation for the following 4.  The scary thought can be what if the Trey saga was to prepare us for…

Well, we/I don’t dwell on that.  For I know for sure that the one thing that our experience with our son did was prepare us to grieve, mourn, and yes, celebrate with all of you.  We’ve been told that there is nothing worse than losing a child.  I know and teach that all pain is relative, that we all have multiple challenges in our lives, and that we are here to love and comfort one another.  However, if our pain in losing Trey is up there with the worst, then we are simply more qualified to cry with you, to comfort you, to not have the right words but the right tears.  Do not feel bad that your pain “isn’t as bad.”  Get that crap out of here.  Praise God that someone wants to be sad WITH you.

Then, do you know what will happen?  You will be moved to love another in their time of sadness (I am not so arrogant to believe that many of you aren’t already doing this, I’m just speaking in general).  When all of us (society…not just the select, and privileged I must humbly say to you, readers of this blog) begin to do this we will see a much different world.  Lofty goal you say?  Sure, but look what an impact one little boy had on your world.  You can most certainly (and already do) have that same impact on many others.

Happy Birthday Trey.  You made a difference in so many lives.  I wish I could hug you today, I wouldn’t have to be careful (for fear of banging around the tumors) and I would squeeze you so hard.  We’ll have that day…someday.  Until then, I’m giving you a head nod and loving your brother and sister…and mom.