I know that our beloved Sassy Princess has more than a few of you in her corner fervently praying for her and rooting her on. I wanted to devote a post to her and maybe (shhhh) teach a thing or two along the way today.
For those of you who don’t know her, she is the prototypical middle child. She is a Mitlo woman (read: strong). She is her mother’s daughter (if you know Rachel this makes a lot of sense). Thus, her life is not bereft of emotional complexities let alone having a brother battling cancer. At times we just don’t know how to lead and direct her to better decisions (not hitting her older brother, not letting her younger brother push every one of her buttons, following directions, not being mean to her mother, etc.).
So, a couple things I have noticed/experienced lately. The first is/was profound to me and a huge breakthrough (in my most humble opinion). As Rachel and I were talking we were, again, at our wits end as to trying to figure out what to do with/for her (behavior charts, positive reinforcements, punishments, figuring out what she needed but wasn’t getting, guessing how much of Trey’s battle was affecting her etc.). As we talked I realized something (ie. God revealed something to me), while we have encouraged her, paid attention to her, forgiven her, broken things down for her the one area she almost never fails is when we support her. You see to encourage her is to say “you can do it!” but to support her is “let’s do this together.” When we “love” or “manage” (you decide…probably both) her this way she does SO much better. Tell her to take a shower? It will be 25 minutes before she gets in. Turn the water on, open the curtain and talk with her while she showers? She’s in and out in 5 minutes. Tell her to practice her cello? It’s “no no no no” and then 15 minutes just to open her case. Hold her hand on the way and sit with her while she plays? Done and done. Breakthrough…for now. Fail proof? No, but a whole lot better.
Secondly, Bella had her first friend sleepover night this weekend. Her friend slept over Saturday and went to church with Bella on Sunday (and the rest of the family). After she left, Bella started sneezing and was exhausted. A few tears were shed as she was just about done for emotionally. She was so wiped out she actually sat next to me and cuddled for a few minutes. It was at this point she asked me a question she actually said once before about 2 years ago. She said to me, “Dad, if Trey dies can we adopt? If we do adopt can it be a girl?” Yeah, how do you respond to that? I can’t say, “Oh honey he’s going to be fine.” I also can’t say, “Don’t you dare talk like that!” I couldn’t even ask her why she would ask that because she was emotionally toast anyhow and was actually more focused on having a constant playmate than fearing losing her brother. The last thing I would want to do is have her feel shame for it so that if/when that happens she remembers saying it and feels worse about it than she already will. I have been told that no matter what that when/if that happens they will remember all of the “bad things” they have said and done to Trey and feel really guilty about them. Thus, ANYTIME they do ANYTHING positive I make sure to point it out to them. As it is, I digress. So, in my emotional/relational expert way I put my hand on her knee, gave it a little rub, and said, “Ooohhhh, honey” and pulled her closer to me. Woof.
So, that sneezing lead to a quality cold and she stayed home Monday. She did get to go to Target with mommy while Trey was at school. She dispensed of the cold in one day and was back at school today. She continues to excel at school and dance on Wednesdays. She even helps out at Kelly Elaine Inc. (an upscale yet down home hair fashion boutique). She has a couple of women in her life who who aren’t family but actively love her and are involved in her world. This will really help down the road as she matures and needs sounding boards and support when things get crazy. She is doing just fine…I hope and pray. Thank you for praying too.