I look at him sleeping and wonder, “when will he sleep for good?” I hear his infectious laugh, the pitter patter of his devious feet that lead him to no good, the scream of his demanding nature, and wonder when they will grow silent. I think of “those days” and wonder how we will get through it though I am more than convinced that we will. I wonder how we will proceed and what life will look life for Joe and Bella and how they will be changed.
Rachel does not, very rarely anyhow. She takes the moments day by day in the most disciplined of ways. That’s what she does…and that’s what is best for her. Yet, we are different, very different in that regard. I not only allow myself to think of what may/will, will/may lie ahead in the coming months (years?) but in a given moment I think of not only years but a lifetime ahead. I will explain.
Before we do that please excuse me. My last post, as I feared, was solely intended for me. You see, I’ve been under a bit of stress lately and even though I’m processing it, working it, fighting through it, I’ve taken some direct emotional hits. Granted everything I said in Friday’s post is true and applicable to everyone it was part of some things I’ve been learning recently. It is this learning that has given me the ability to say the following.
Life is short. I should say, the time we spend here on this earth, is short. Our bodies are finite fragile broken vessels that carry a spirit that will live (somewhere) forever. Some of these “vessels” live for only hours, some for over 100 years. I have a son who is expected to live less than 10 years…possibly less than 6. I myself am at a solid half way point (I hope) and I have two parents who are a good bit toward the other end of the spectrum. All of these numbers and life expectancies are a bit myopic though. If you compare them to eternity they are all infinitely small.
The reality is, THAT eternal perspective is what I have been coming to understand. This life I live in this body is but a blip on the radar of eternity. If Trey lives to somewhere in the six’ (plural of six?) is it all that different from my grandparents that lived into their 90’s? It depends on the perspective. From a “this” world perspective it makes all the difference in the world. It clearly isn’t fair that they got to experience 6x the “life” that he was blessed with getting to live. It isn’t fair that others get to do so much more than he will. However, if you look at life from an eternal perspective, it’s barely decimal points of a difference.
Am I rationalizing or being set free? I believe I’m being set free. Now, the reality is I am human, I am here, I do feel, I will be sad. Yet, there will be a day when all things are made right. When it’s “all over”…and I mean ALL, there will be a time when I walk with my wife, TWO sons, and daughter in eternity with no blemishes, no parenting, no pressure, no sadness, no anxiety. We will laugh, sing, dance, hold hands, and thank God that He opened our eyes to who He is.
Yes, it’s not about me. It’s not about you. It’s not even about Trey. It’s about God and who He is, what He has done, what He is preparing for any who call upon His name and accept the sacrifice of His Son Jesus.
Life is short, eternity is long, and these moments are precious.
“Am I rationalizing or being set free? I believe I’m being set free. Now, the reality is I am human, I am here, I do feel, I will be sad. Yet, there will be a day when all things are made right. When it’s “all over”…and I mean ALL, there will be a time when I walk with my wife, TWO sons, and daughter in eternity with no blemishes, no parenting, no pressure, no sadness, no anxiety. We will laugh, sing, dance, hold hands, and thank God that He opened our eyes to who He is.”
****I read the above quote of yours 20 times. It made me cry. Hard.. For you, for your family, for me, for everyone. First out of sadness that our perfect body and glorious gift we have waiting for us seems so far away – Then out out of joy that we have something so spectacular to look forward to, that no matter how hard, painful, long, grievous, dark and lonely this life may seem sometimes – We have this inconceivable treasure that awaits us – My dad always told me that this life will be over in the blink of an eye so be of good cheer and know that God has an eternal life far beyond this – When I would voice my concerns about “eternal” (and by voicing my concern, I mean shooting out of bed in cold sweats and running to my parents room crying because the words “eternal” and “forever” gave me panic attacks) my mom and dad would assure me by saying “Just think of how much you love this world, wouldnt you want to stay here forever? And this world is full of pain, sin and grief – Now imaging taking all of that suffering away and just leaving the perfect stuff.. You would want to stay there forever right” — I’m sure thats a little juvenile, but at 27 years old, I still repeat those words in my head. — Wow.. I am a rambling machine.. I guess this post moved me so much and touched so close to my heart that my words ran out of my fingertips… I love you.. I love your family and I have a good feeling that my family will be near yours when we laugh, sing, dance and hold hands while thanking God in heaven. Thank you for this post, your hope, your faith and your never ending ability to jolt my soul when it needs it.
Bethany – I just reread this while doing research for my next blog post. I am so touched and humbled that God would use me to reach you and teach you, to be by your side through painful memories and heartwarming encouragements. You are still so precious. You are that little girl who needed (and needs) her daddy. I am so proud of you. Thank you for your kind words in regards to this post. Keep loving everyone that HE puts in your path.