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No no no no, not how to love me me (Jay Mitlo), but how to love me (you) whoever you are.  Now that that is clear allow me to explain.  A couple of you out there wish you were loved (actively) by your loved ones more.  By “a couple” I mean roughly 2/3rds to all of you.  I know, “it’s no big deal” and “they are doing the best they can” so it’s “ok I guess” but inside you want more.  You need more.

However, there is a simple way to get that to happen.  It’s just a few steps away.  I will show you how…now.  First of all, figure out what you need.  Read through my posts on emotional needs lists (on my blog page under the “topics” drop down on the right side) and see which ones you feel you could use the most.  Then, take a minute, talk to God and tell Him what you need.  Ask Him to use those around you to meet that need and trust that He will do just that.

Then, as you talk with your most significant other (or even just a close friend or two) share with them that you need to have this need met.  Here’s the kicker.  Not only explain THAT you need to have this need met, but share with them HOW to meet this need.

For example, maybe you feel insignificant and taken for granted.  More than appreciation you feel like you need approval...that you really matter.  Go ahead and tell that someone in your life that it would mean so much to you if they could simply ask you how you were doing but refer to you as to how you relate to them.  You could ask them to say, “How’s my wife doing today?” or “I’m sure glad that my best friend is you.” so that you know that they are excited to have you fill that role in their life.  Maybe you ask them to, once a week, leave you a note saying what they think you do well as their (insert role here).

Another example, you’re overwhelmed and feel like you can’t get things done.  You need some support Take a minute, share not only your feeling “I’m overwhelmed” but also the general need “I could really use some support” and then some specifics, “It would mean so much to me if you could help me for 20 minutes to get this done.  That kind of support would help me a ton.”

Share with them not only what your general needs are, but specific steps that they can take to meet that need.  Obviously offer the same to them.  I can already hear you thinking, “But it’s no good if I have to tell them.”  I ask you this, “How good is it going NOT doing it this way?”  Yes, it would and will be better when they just know to do it without the help.  But, for now, if you have to help them/teach them how to love you in this way you are well on your way to that time when you won’t have to tell them.  Again, this is why you prayed in the first place putting your expectations on God to meet this need through others, rather than just hoping that others would just magically get that you have this need and know how to meet it.

If you can help someone else love you, think of how much more you will be able to love others.  Now, multiply that by everyone doing that and this world would be a much better place.  For now, let’s start by making your world just a little bit more loving and go from there.

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