1st component of a successful relationship
Religion, church, denomination, religious, being good…hmmm, that’s about it. That is the only time you will hear me mention those things in this post. Please don’t confuse what I DO talk about with any of those things. In my previous post on relationships I mentioned that the next three would be on the most essential components of a successful relationship. I figured we would start with the first. I’m cutting edge that way.
If you are going to be in a successful relationship (of any kind) you must trust that God will meet your needs through others. Who will? God. How? Through others. Rocket science? No. Understood by most? No. As with most things we make it way more complicated than we need to. Sadly, I would bet if I asked you, “Do you think that God cares about you and ultimately is looking out for you?” they would answer, “Yes.” Maybe it would be more of a, “…yes?” However, does that translate into something tangible or does it impact their day to day living? Sadly, no.
Before I go further I would like to address those of you who are thinking, “ugh another person using God as a crutch.” Allow me to ask you this. Who uses a crutch? Typically, unless it’s an actor playing an injured person or a friend of someone in crutches playing with them trying to see how many steps they can take using them as makeshift stilts, injured people do. People use them because they NEED them. No one, at least no one I know, looks at someone with a cast and pins in their bones and says, “Bah, baby! Why don’t you just suck it up and walk?” No. They need the crutches so that they can move in the least, let alone walk. So, yeah, I use God as a crutch. I do because I NEED Him. That IS the point of my post.
Now, what does it mean to trust that God will meet our needs? Well, it is clear in contrast to what it isn’t. You see, people generally do one of two things. They either try to get all of their needs (emotional/relational needs) met by manipulating their world and those in it. They reach, grab, twist, and steal to get their needs met. It’s easiest to think of this in terms of needing attention. That person is easy to identify. Yet, it happens with all emotional needs. The man needing respect is flipping off the guy who almost cut him off in traffic. The high school student needing affection finally gets a date and cuddles like a 40 year old does with their Monchichi doll after finding it in a box from childhood. Unfortunately, when we take emotional needs it’s about as effective as that cuddle with the doll that reeks of attic dust and gentle mildew. It just doesn’t fulfill us. Further, it really compromises the relationships that we are manipulating. When we do this, we are constantly hollow if not empty. We are tired. We are sad. We give up on people. People seem to give up on us.
Another mis-step people make is dumping all of their expectations on one person. Yes, those closest to you will be used by Him to meet most of your needs but it is not all on one person to do that. It is not realistic or healthy and will result in those closest to you being distant and eventually pulling away from you. The very best that they can do is meet up to, but never surpass, your expectations. Sadly, they will never even be able to do that. No one, no one wants to fail every day at loving someone else. No, you can’t do it yourself, you can’t dump it on one poor soul.
It doesn’t have to be that way. God created you. He loves you. He knows you. Yes, you’ve been hurt and questioned His very existence. That’s ok. Too often we think that God’s primary job is to make us happy. If that is the case then He really stinks at His job as so few people are the least bit happy. No, He gives us what we need, not necessarily…necessarily what we want.
The only one big enough is God. What is great is how He goes about it. When we can fully place our expectations on Him we can sit back and watch Him choreograph people in and out of our lives in the most beautifully random of ways. We can see His love for us through them. We can finally…relax. Yes, He is my crutch and if you want healthy relationships, He needs to be yours.