Marriage. I would love an instant poll on the emotional reaction that one word stirred within you. It’s probably as I fear which is, in general if not exclusively, something less than ideal. If you throw out the idealists who are not yet married (mostly younger women) there are probably very few who inwardly responded in positive fashion. I may be way off, but I bet I’m not.
Why do I say that? Well, take a look around. Listen to any comedian, almost every one of them does a “set” or “bit” on the dysfunction of their marriage or marriages in general. Why? Because the predominant number of people identify with that. Go to any bookstore or go to Amazon and search “marriage help.” You will find countless titles of books to help you with your marriage. Why? Because marriages are broken and need to be fixed. Divorce attorneys can tell you a million stories, divorce statistics speak for themselves, bars are filled with people complaining to their friends about their spouse, you don’t have to have the most acute observation skills to figure out that the institution of marriage is, and has been, in great trouble.
Look at television shows. Which ones hold up a married couple as functional and loving? How many kids shows today have two parents who love each other, like being married, and are respectful of each other? You actually have more people kill their spouse on television (not so much on the kids shows) than have loving spouses in loving relationships.
Even in Christian households where they are supposed to “get it”. Do they? Divorce rates are the same as the national average. At best they throw around platitudes like “you have to die daily to your spouse” to have a good marriage. I ask you, does dying sound like a healthy relationship? I would say that if I believed that (about the dying thing) then my reaction to the word “marriage” would be less than ideal.
To my single friends who just know that being married will solve all of their problems allow me to pass on a great quote. “Marriage does not give you less problems, not more either, just different ones.” So, if all of this is true, why do I post this? Why do I write about how crappy marriage is? I’m glad you asked.
Marriage is awesome. Is it easy? No. Is it work? Yes. Can it be done well? Absolutely. The key lies in understanding the role of the spouse. God made everything (non believers hang with me here). When He did He said that it was “good.” However, when He made Adam, Adam was lonely and God deemed that “not good.” Adam had everything we would want. He had a cushy job, a sweet place to live, status, and a perfect unbroken relationship with the God of all creation. Yet, he was lonely. So how did God fix this relationship? Notice, he didn’t say, “Man, I’ve to to spend more time with Adam.” No. So if you are one of those people who say, “Well, I’ve got my Jesus and that’s all I need.” you’re telling me that you are better than a before sin Adam? Hardly. God’s solution was a relationship, a spouse…Eve. It was her job, (and Adam’s for Eve) to keep Adam from being lonely. You are, as a spouse, given the opportunity to be used by God to keep your spouse from being lonely.
Does that sound like dying? Does that sound miserable? Does that sound impossible? Oh, it may feel impossible at times, but it is more than possible. They, as with anything is knowing how. First, they need to know why they are feeling alone (hurts, emotional needs not met), they then must be able to convey them to you (open, honest, and vulnerable communication), and then you both must give to meet each others needs (mutual giving). All of this is done realizing that God will meet your needs through others. Every attempt that you make to get these needs met (consciously or subconsciously) will leave you empty and frustrated and further alone.
I mentioned earlier that when God created everything He said that it was “good.” Yet, when He made Adam and Eve He said that it was “very good.” That is (or should be) the goal of your marriage. I would make another bet that if you asked most people how their marriage was at best they would reply something like, “good, fine, better than most.” No. It is to be “very good.” I encourage you, don’t stop until it is. When things come into your life that rock your world it will be essential for survival.
**Lastly, if you are not married and do not have a significant other, God can, is, and or will meet your need to not be/feel alone through another relationship (friend, sibling, parent, etc.). It just so happens that His first solution was marriage and the primary context of this post is…marriage.