In my last post I described how a trial and perhaps a tragedy is a prism…not a prison. Further, I pointed out that God uses the tough time to magnify His power, greatness, and love for us. It’s true that if you just focus on yourself and your obstacles it can lead to a dark and blame filled place. On the other hand if you look at God through your trying time you get to see God in a different way, a closer, more intimate way…more than ever before.
I would like to give you an intimate peak into what this looks like. It’s certainly not exhaustive as God did so much as I worshiped Him Saturday evening. Yet, I will take one powerful song and relay to you how God moved in my heart as the song played out.
The song Lay Me Down was early in the show and one I am familiar with from church. The lyrics are in regular font and my thoughts/insights/actions in bold.
With this heart open wide Yes, my heart is open wide From the depths Ha, that’s me from the heights not so much for me these days I will bring a sacrifice not my choice but yeah…I’ve been sacrificing much and may be required to sacrifice so much more With these hands lifted high (I do raise my hands, not my typical “style” but it has been more and more lately…reaching and submitting at the same time) Hear my song hear my cry (tearing) I will bring a sacrifice I will bring a sacrifice
Chorus: I lay me down I’m not my own (tears streaming and I’m singing loudly, eyes closed) I belong to you alone I need you, I’m trying not do to this on my own Lay me down Lay me down I need rest Hand on my heart This much is true There’s no life apart from you I admit it Lord it is all about You Lay me down Lay me down Oh oh oh Lay me down Lay me down
Verse 2: Letting go of my pride I’m no superstar Giving up all my rights Trey was Yours first Lord, I don’t want to run my life Lord…You do it Take this life and let it shine I’m a pathetic sinner and You’ve done so much already Lord. People have seen You in me. They do see You in Me. Take this life and let it shine It’s Yours Lord, use me.
Bridge: It will be my joy joy is a goal…perhaps an ideal, but I’m willing to say Your will Your way whatever happens happens Lord. It’s Your call It will be my joy to say Your will Your way It will be my joy to say Your will Your way always (singing loudly crying hard)
Chorus (at this point I’m just telling God “for the record” that I trust Him, that I’m willing to experience whatever He deems best for me or at least what He wants for me for whatever reason).
If I were to look at this time in my life and stop with the trial, the pain, the suffering, and only look at me it would be completely different. Anger, bitterness, guilt, and fear, would rule the day. My tough time is here, I can’t remove it. I have a choice to be drawn nearer to God or be angry and bitter. Your tough time is here, has been here, is coming, or just doesn’t stop coming one after another. Choose to allow God to speak to you rather than blame Him and/or shut Him out. Choose to explore faith rather than double down, grip hard, and try to do it all on your own.