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The woman, Kari Jobe, talked about being able to worship in the Consol Energy Arena (she opened for Chris Tomlin) and someone yelled from across the arena, “Alleluia!”  Four rows down from me a woman yelled, “Triple Alleluia!!!”  Ohhhhhh snap, it was on.  “She skipped double alleluia!!” I thought to myself, “She’s taking it next level.”  Then the single alleluia dude yelled back across the way, “Shove it up your…”  Oh, wait, THAT part didn’t happen.  That was just in my head.  That part came from my inner monologue.  You know, the part of your consciousness with which you have ongoing mental conversations?  Well, for the most part after that I was able to turn that inner monologue off and be able to be with 10,000 people and yet be completely alone…with God.

It was everything I  had hoped for and more.  I was able to laugh (briefly), cry (often), be convicted of my sin (once or twice), get it all out, and mostly think about God…and Trey.  A couple of times my inner monologue kicked back in and I wondered if I was thinking, or referencing mentally, Trey too often.  “I should be solely focused on God” I thought.  Each time I turned it back off and went back to letting the Holy Spirit move through me for the evening.

I reflected later on in the evening.  There is a common truth that we are able to focus on and/or rely on God much more during “tough times” or “tribulations.”  When things go well we kind of forget about God but when we have no where else to turn or really need him, boy we look to Him during those times.  Clearly for us over the past two and a half years we haven’t had to look hard to find something to pray about.  However, was I focusing too much on Trey and not enough on God?

It was then that I understood.  I was seeing God through Trey.  God was using Trey as a prism with which for me to look through and magnify how great and dynamic He really is.  It changes how I look at God.  I see things I never saw before.  I am burdened, tired, weak…and He cares and is more than able to hold me and see me through.  If I were only looking at our situation with Trey that would be an unfortunate missed opportunity.  There is…are, many times for that.  But if my time of worship that evening was solely focusing, and feeling, on and about Trey it would not be worship.  It would be self absorbent and sad.  Getting trapped in that would be, well, like a mental, emotional, and spiritual prison.  Yet, it was not.  I was able to see through my present afflictions and see the greater good.  I could see how good He is and how much He loves me, my family, and yes…Trey.  The night was beautiful.

I am so thankful for a time to be real, not with others, not even to myself, but with God.  I am thankful that He uses such  horrible things to teach me and reach me.  It is a blessing…no no, it’s a triple blessing.


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