I’m on social media a lot…an awful lot. Granted most of that is due to Trey’s illness and my writing/communicating but I have always been one to partake in the faux (if you must) cyber relational world. Sadly, many people speak of how much they miss loved ones who have passed. It is very healthy (downright essential) to feel this way and also very important to share how you are feeling now. I very often read things like, “I just keep waiting for them to walk into the house/room/whatever.” Sometimes they say something like, “I can still see him/her sitting in their chair.” It is always with such great appropriate sadness that they convey their loss and missing of their loved one.
With that in mind I have very often taken “mental snapshots” of Trey. It could be of him sleeping, running through the dining room with the entire container of strawberries (running so as not to be noticed by us sitting and eating a meal), playing with his cousins…whatever. Saturday, I took the three kids to breakfast and to Sam’s Club. Partially to let Rachel sleep in, partially because I would be out for next seven evenings (announcing/coaching/meetings) and wanted for them to have some daddy time. When we got home, rather than go into the house, Trey and Bella began to play in the freshly fallen snow. Were they appropriately dressed? No, not really. Rather than make them come in and wait to play later I just let it go. At first I just listened to them play in the backyard as I put things away in the kitchen. Then, I made a decision.
I went to the basement and looked out the back porch door window. There they were, Bella and Trey (Joe wanted nothing to do with the cold), playing and riding sleds in the backyard. I cringed as they came perilously close to the swing set at the bottom of our little hill (not so little when I’m mowing). We weren’t really thinking of sled riding when we put it there this spring. I marveled at how well they got along. I heard the laughter. I watched the smiles. I stopped…and watched them go.
It was different than a “mental snapshot” or a “snapshot in time.” Those are more of a storing up for the future. They are much more Trey centric in nature. This was a moment of me taking myself out of my life and simply watching theirs. I was able to appreciate the blessings that they are to me. I marveled at how blessed I am. Yes, Trey’s days may be numbered. Yes, Bella’s are too. Yes, we all only have so many days here on this earth. That is why I include the phrase “We Have Today” on this website.
Yet this WAS different. Rather than prepare for when he is not here I embraced that he is here. I embraced that Bella was too. Nothing else mattered. I was able to step out of my life and see what surrounded me. I am every so thankful for that gift on Saturday.
I know that nothing I do now can/will prepare me for what lies ahead. It may help me/us get through some tough times but in no way can these times be avoided. Also, something I don’t mention enough is that just because we are going through this horrific situation does not exempt us from other ones. None of us are guaranteed anything and anything can be taken from us at any time. However, however…
They are here now. So I appreciate them…now. I love them…now. I watch them…now. I live them…now. I smell them…now. I hug them…now. I am not just talking about my kids. I’m talking about anyone and anything that can be taken from me.
There will be a time when I have less than I do now. There could be a day in my future when I have a lot less. However, they (whatever “they” represents) is here…now. I praise God that He gave me the wisdom to take it in…now.