It started with the weather.  I, like many of you, have experienced so many ugly sides of winter this year.  Just when you think that the worst is over…boom, -11, wind chills of -30, 5 more (yes, New England I hear you) inches of snow.  I then got to a point that reminded me of fighting.

You see, along with Cougartown (don’t’ judge, you just don’t know) the thing I find myself relating to life as much as any other (Yes, the bible and Jesus too) is the UFC and mixed martial arts.  Very often there comes a moment in a fight where one combatant, though they are losing, has come to realize the their opponent doesn’t have the power to knock them out.  It’s at that time that they stop caring and being so so defensive.  In essence they colloquialistically say, “Come at me brah.”  They have a smirk on their face, almost laughing, and begin to really fight back.

I feel like that with the winter weather at this point.  Bring it on ’cause guess what?  May is coming and June is right behind it!  You lose winter!  Take that!

I got to that point in my battle with Trey against cancer.  In reality it was a battle for my allegiance to God despite my earthly condition.  Actually, it was an overwhelming barrage of battles on many fronts (and, yes, several of them wage on to this and many more days).  Yet, the war the enemy waged was on my allegiance to the one I have committed my life to and my (and your) adversary’s method was as and is discouragement, despair, and eventually death.  I did get to a point where I realized that the enemy was not going to knock me out…not this time.  I know who will always be at my side (let this song play as you read the rest of this).  Like Wyatt Earp in the river (just watch all of Tombstone 20x) I stopped fearing, and began the assault.

Now, the reality is, though that fighter may or may not win that fight he has taken a lot of damage.  He may not have been knocked out but the battle took quite a toll on him.  Concussions, brain damage, contusions, broken bones, have short and long term ramifications that remain to be seen just after the fight.

The same is true of the winter weather.  I already know that I have one pipe to fix outside of my home.  I have a driveway that is split in two (at one point 4+inches higher than the other) and may stay that way after the thaw.  My back porch seems to breaking away from my house.  I will discover other surprises as the snow melts and I see what is underneath.

Finally, the same is very true of our battle with Trey.  Yes, the battle is complete (though the war wages on and will until we join him forever in heaven) but what damage has been incurred?  THAT is where we are right now.  I wonder.  I take preventative steps (attaching comfort to many of the pains we have experienced, on many levels).  I pray.  I think.  I analyze.  Yes, very often I just don’t know.  What comes next?  I question if I’m wondering too much, grieving too little, letting things come naturally as they may.  Looking at myself, watching out for others, using what I’ve learned and loving others in their time of need, I do what I can/what I’m called to do.

In the meantime, I rest.  I live.  I love.