This may shock you. I am very partial to healing hurts through attaching comfort to emotional pain. One very effective way of doing this is through “shared experiences.” You take people who have had similar events happen in their lives and get them together. You facilitate questions and discussion points and allow people to talk. As the conversation goes people have the realization that they are not alone in their pain. This is huge and instrumental in healing.
However, it is not the only way shared experience “therapy” or “counseling”…or “healing” works. I am very thankful for this. You see, you can also share in someone’s experience without having experienced it yourself. You just listen to them share it with you, notice their emotion, join them in that emotion by trying your best to understand how/why they feel that way…then allowing yourself to feel that way with them. When that person shares their memory of the hurts they can’t help but remember you joining them in their pain. You have “shared” their pain, their experience.
I say all of this to update you on how things are going with us and to let you know how things are going with our time at the Highmark Caring Place. Please relax, I am not going to let you in too far and make you feel uncomfortable (did I just say that after everything I’ve written? Seems that way). As it is we (the adults) are broken into groups at the Caring Place. Those who have lost spouses, those who have lost children, and those who don’t fit into those first two groups (lost a parent, grandparent, sibling, etc.). Remember, a lot of this is based on the impact it has on their children (loss of parent is one thing but if that parent was the primary or very important caregiver to the child makes it very important for all to grieve). Each group has a couple of volunteers who are very trained who help facilitate the conversations.
Well, wouldn’t you know it but it hasn’t worked out that way for us. You see, there was only one other couple who lost their child…and they didn’t come. They didn’t come either week nor will they be coming at all. We had a choice to make when it become apparent that they would not be there. We decided (after laughing at the fact that nothing…nothing is simple/easy/or normal for us from Trey’s symptoms and diagnosis until obviously now) to go ahead and just meet with the volunteers assigned to our group.
We had met with Shanaynay and Tarek (not their real names) the first week and while Shanaynay was a seasoned volunteer and Tarek had just completed training, we were very comfortable with them. We were told that this was the first time that the Caring Place had ever started a group session with just a couple and the volunteers. Why wouldn’t that be us?
So we went this past week (our second overall but the first since we knew it would just be us for sure). It was exactly what we (and especially I) needed. Shanaynay asked a couple of questions and I got to talk. Rachel shared too and as you can imagine, Shanaynay and Tarek couldn’t help but be moved as we shared our memories and hurts over the past almost five years. Consciously and subconsciously we will remember them tearing up with us as we shared. They shared in our experiences.
There are 8 meetings left and it will be much the same with some artsy crafty projects thrown in as well. I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that Joe and Bella very much like their groups and are doing just fine. It really feels good to just get some stuff out there.
Lastly, when you doubt where God is in your pain (or the pain of a loved one) realize the utter ridiculousness of our situation. Who would have thought one month ago, that for the next 3 months the most integral person in our healing/grieving process would be a woman from the northern suburbs of Pittsburgh who knew nothing…nothing about our story or loss? Who does that? Who puts THAT together? Yes…MY God, MY Lord and Savior does. Soooo, random…and like Him.
Thanks for being here and sharing our experiences with us. It really helps.