I wanted to share with you my experience of being on the DVE morning show last Friday.  However, something happened over the weekend that moved me to change my mind.  I will warn you, God may use this to move you in some way that He deems productive.  He has not made it clear to me what that may be.  I am warning you that the following is very deep and emotionally taxing, to say the least.  You have been forewarned.

Sunday evening Trey was at his wits end (Joe and Bella were probably worse but are not the focal point of today’s post).  Rachel had just put him into time out for not only playing with Bella’s camera but then throwing it on the ground (it is a real point and shoot camera that was a recent gift to Bella) instead of giving it back to her.  I then came in and monitored the time out.

Obviously it was not going well.  Trey was messing with the railing (time out is sitting on the steps removed from everyone, especially the t.v.), leaning forward and watching t.v., and screaming that he was sorry and didn’t want to be in time out.  Well, time out is over when time is served (generally 1 minute for every year old the child is) but doesn’t start until the flipping out is over.  So, we were just waiting for that to happen.

Then, it started.  It began with Trey trying to scoot down one more time.  I lifted him up and sat him back down on the step, two back from where he was.  My quick and forceful action along with my stern words startled and scared him.  The tears flowed.  I looked at him cry and felt horrible.  Thinking to myself, “yep, in an undetermined number of months from now I would give anything to sit with him in time out again.”  As frustrated as I was, I have felt this way before.  Then, something happened that I was not prepared to experience.

Looking into his most beautiful tear streaming eyes something flashed like a quick vision of something frightening in a horror movie.  Only this was worse…and far more scary.  In this moment (on the steps) Trey was crying due to something I had caused.  What seared into my mind was the fact that there very well may be a day in the future where he is crying and in real pain due to something I have not caused.  Here, it was exhaustion mixed with a fit and a jostle of the body.  Then, it will be cancer, going where it is not welcome, causing pain where it is not treatable, and scaring both he and I.  Here, I knew he would be fine in moments.  Then, there very well be nothing I can do at all but look into those same eyes and cry tears of comfort.  All of this in the same time it takes for Wes Craven to show an image of a deranged clown or undead zombie.

Scary movie?  Please.  Scary life?  No thank you.  Yet, that is what we face in a given instant on a Sunday evening just trying to survive a session in time out.

Why do I post this?  Because you said you wanted to be with us through all of this.  Because it’s healthy to let people emote with you.  Because YOUmight share your dark moments with someone you trust so that they can cry with you.  If you keep it in, it will slowly eat and destroy you.

Well, maybe God has shown me how this could be productive for you…and me.