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I was raking/blowing/mulching/mowing the leaves.  My mind wandered back to a few years ago.  Bella and Trey played for hours in the leaves.  Norman Rockwell never captured such a quintessential American moment.   Trey loved the Thanksgiving Day parades.  He would sit in front of the tv for hours, granted he was rarely wearing pants but I digress.  He’s not here anymore you know.  My heart aches for a moment, missing those days.  However, another reality hit me.  THAT Bella is here no longer either.  Certainly Joe and Bella playing in the leaves would not happen,not now, not at this age, not this day.   Those days are gone.

I miss them, those days.  The innocence and simple joy.  Yes, there was also rage, mischievousness, and tempermentalism and the like.  But time has moved on.  The reality is they aren’t coming back.  We have new days.  Granted, Trey is not a part of these days and that is sad.  However, I have grieved (and continue to do so) that fact.  I have received great comfort and healing from so many.

I believe it a trick from the enemy (believe it however you may) in an attempt to steal my joy.  What should be a simple reminiscing turns into a reminder of his passing and the pain it brought.  Every parent goes through missing the joy of times when their kids where young.  We conveniently forget the exhaustion, frustration, and the like.  We miss the good times, and I do too.  I will not let the fact that Trey is not here now cloud the beautiful memories of then.

We host on Thanksgiving.  We are busy prepping the food, cleaning the house, decorating and fussing.  There will be new memories.  There will be great joy and laughter.  There will be family and yes stories of years gone by, many stories including Trey.  We will celebrate it all and I hope and pray that you do too.

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