I sat in church on Sunday thinking, “Man, I’m not feeling it today.”  Now, I’ve been around long enough to know that when you sit in church “not feeling it” you very often get crushed by “it” later in the service.  So, I began to wait and look for “it”.  If you are not a frequent church go’er or are simply not following what I’m saying allow me to ‘splain (intro brief explanation of the Trinity).  God the Father is in Heaven, He sent Jesus to pay the price for my sins (as I, an imperfect being could not be with God, a perfect being), since I have accepted His (Jesus) payment for my sins the Holy Spirit (God with us) is within me.  That is the “it” of which I speak.  ANYHOW, my inner monologue is very often too noisy to even begin to perceive anyone, let alone the Holy Spirit, speaking to me.  Then it began to happen.

At church we have a time to confess our sins (privately) to God.  Every time, I am not even to the point of focusing when we move on.  I kiddingly call our church the “church of minimal sin” as there is so little time to go over one let alone ALL of them.  As the service went on, I kept obsessing over some things in my life that I wish were different (little things, not necessarily Trey’s condition.  Then, I noticed something.  A woman shared how 3 teenage moms came to decide to give their lives to God through Jesus.  There was silence as she continued to speak.  Moments later, she shared that another teenage mom had been involved in drugs and violence but now was attending college.  Everyone erupted in applause.  Sure, it’s a good thing, but in comparison to understanding the sacrifice Jesus made for her and giving up control of her life to loving and serving others?  I would hope that would matter more.

It was at that point that “it” happened.  Why was I so critical?  Further, why am I so controlling?  Earlier, I was too fixated on controlling my life to even hear the Holy Spirit.  Now, I heard Him and was being told that I was too critical.  I was convicted but grateful to know that I could now confess those things to God, have Him forgive me (through Jesus on the cross), and begin to act accordingly.

It was at that point that “it” happened…again.  The second song after the sermon was “I’ll Fly Away” (though a LOT faster and more upbeat than this Jars of Clay version).  The moment we started my tears began to flow.  “Yes, I just want to fly away” I thought.  “I’m just so tired, so burdened, so weathered, so ready to be done.”  I just want to fly away.  If God took me right then I would have been elated.  Please understand, I’m not talking about suicide or hating my life here, it’s about wanting to be there.  I’ve heard people talk like that before and thought “yeeeeeeah…right.  I mean, Heaven will be nice and all but if it’s all the same to you, I’ll stay here for now.”  Nope, I want to be where there is no more burden, no more pain, no more tears, just the love of a Father.

It was at that point that “it” happened…a third time.  This version of “I’ll Fly Away” was actually a medley with “This little light of mine” another super old school spiritual song.  It says, “hide it under a bushel…NO!  I’m gonna let it shine.”  That, is exactly what I do.  I felt comforted, encouraged even.  Although darkness surrounds me/us, I have a light that can only come from God within me (The Holy Spirit).  No, I will let it shine through my/our darkness.  I will give God all the credit.

It was at that point that “it” happened…yeah, a fourth time.  What about my littlest light…Trey?  Boy, does he shine!?!  God shines so bright through Him.  I’m pretty sure his inner monologue is nearly silent (other than, “must play on daddy’s phone, must break daddy, must get phone”), he doesn’t dwell on his failings, he doesn’t perform for anyone.  He simply lives, loves, and survives.  He doesn’t let the things of this world drag him down.  Soon enough, he very well may get to “fly away.”  Yet, for now, he’ll just let his “light shine” (mind you as I write this he just squirted spray butter in his mouth about 15 times).

Yeah, it happened.