Let me see if I can do this succinctly and with purpose. I AM STILL HERE!!! There are so many movie references and tv clips that come to mind I can’t name or link one. Let me do this in nearly list form (I don’t even know what that means). Ooh, I got it, stream of consciousness! That’s it.
1. I’m tired.
2. Trey has been (for over a week now, off and on) falling asleep, waking up around midnight complaining of x,y,z and not going back to sleep.
3. Sometimes, during these times, Trey complains of really scary things (kidney pain, stomach pain, scared) and other times simply frustrating things (bed doesn’t feel right, hot, cold).
4. Last night even Rachel sleeping with him didn’t help.
5. It could be something, nothing, his kidney failing, gas, growth spurt, the cancer growing/spreading, blood in his bowels, constipation, organ organ failure…whatever.
6. I had to cut two guys (unless I’m told I can’t) from my team yesterday. I didn’t want to but can’t think of another way to deal with the disrespect to the team and the coaching staff. I really like them both and it broke my heart.
7. Joe asked me how VBall went when I got home and I said, “Terrible and I don’t want to talk about it. All I care about right now is you. How was your evening?” He replied, “It went fine…why don’t you want to talk about it?” Boy, did you hear me say I DON’T WANT to talk about it.
8. Ironically and perhaps by the grace of God I was able to give him a general overview of it and even turn it into a life/faith lesson by relating it to when Jesus was talking to the rich young ruler and it said, “He looked at him and loved him and said…” and Jesus was direct and tough on the ruler. The only way I could love these guys was to cut them. Joe got it…I think. It will be many years before these two guys get it, if ever.
9. Church stuff is good but life stuff is keeping me back. I’ll figure it out. I/we will “win.”
10. To that end, things with my new position are by far and wide (other than my relationship with Rachel) the best thing going for me right now (in regards to stressors or things bogging me down).
11. I have written on this before.
12. I am writing this on behalf of all of those who are going through one of or several of those times.
13. I understand that this is a spiritual battle. I hope you do to.
14. I/we covet your prayers.
15. God has assured me that, “it will be ok.” Not that everything will be ok…that I will be ok. Not that I will thrive and prosper. Not that no harm will come my way. Not that I won’t witness sadness, frustration, loss, and darkness. That I will be ok.
16. I heard on the radio this morning and I will attribute this to Him speaking to me, “Darkness cannot grow disproportionately to light. A shadow is only cast out of the blocking of the light.” Fair enough. I’ll go with that.
17. A new friend said to me, “We cannot control our world (not a news flash but always a good reminder, especially for parents) but we can only react as Jesus would and love as Jesus did.” It is a great reminder.
18. The goal of the full armor of God is to stand…not advance, not kill, destroy, or win…stand.
19. With the power of the God of all Creation, the God that has done immeasurably more than I could think or imagine, the God that is never surprised, the God that has defeated sin, the God that has risen from the dead, the God that is, was, and forever will be, the God that changed water to wine, walked on water, parted a huge body of water, is always in my heart whether I seek Him or not, with HIS power through HIS Holy Spirit by the sacrifice of HIS Son…I will continue to stand.
20. I write this on behalf of all of you who are having a tough time or in a full fledged crap storm. I’m (we are) still here.
For a Trey Prayer Update, don’t forget to visit my sister’s prayer blog – To My Audience of One