1. What’s your favorite animated movie character?
2. I’m partial to Gru from the Despicable Me series and Flint Lockwood from Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs.
3. When I want to give my kids attention (read: feel convicted that I’m “around” them but not with them) I basically jump them and wrestle with them till they can’t breath and wish that I’d go away.
4. I wonder how transparent that is to them.
5. I spend a good bit of time longing for when I was ignorant of a lot of things I have learned in the past year(s). That’s kind of useless.
6. I am very close to opening up my meat grinder and making sausage…so scared, so scared.
7. I have really been hankering for some excellent fried chicken.
8. I may check out a place in Wilkinsburg.
9. I find it hard to be there for people who’s kids have cancer. I keep thinking, “…they don’t want to hear from you!” I mean, we’re over here on THAT side of the fence that no one wants to even think about.
10. In fact, when someone tells me that they have a friend or know of someone who’s child was just diagnosed, very often they ask me it is ok for them to pass on our contact info. I always say yes and think, “there is no waaaaay they’re calling.” None have, I hope that they never do (meaning all of their kids make it).
11. All of that being said I hope and pray that all of you (and them) know that I would drop everything to help in any way (especially a good cry when you are just depleted) to be there for and with you.
12. People told us about people who had kids with cancer (in general) or our specific kind of cancer when Trey was first diagnosed. I had zero interest in talking with them. I just figured that this was our journey to figure out our way.
13. That being said, as I’ve said, not every one is like us and if people need us we are always willing.
14. Clementines aren’t really in season yet and thus are a bit pricey. After a thorough conversation with myself I went ahead and splurged for the extra $3 they cost. Yeah, I roll pretty baller that way. I love my family.
15. “Can we go to a store?” Haven’t heard that in a while…almost 11 months.
16. A little boy once asked Joe, “Where’s Trey?” Joe very quickly replied, “Not here!” and walked away.
17. In a way, Joe’s answer is not only succinct and honest but really wise. It’s probably the best way to describe how I feel most often. He’s just not here. I don’t have this gut wrenching sense of loss. I do remember all of the good and goofy things he would do. I do remember the frustrating times and things he would do. Now, he’s not here.
18. I have struggled a good bit with #17. I feel like I should feel worse and yet I don’t. I then wonder if I detached from my feelings just to survive (both before and after he passed) and now can’t engage them. Rather, I think my, “He’s just not here.” is more accurate and ok, and what really needs to be grieved are of the horrific things that we survived (scans, procedures, pains, fears) that PREceeded his death.
19. Yes, we did grieve them then and many of you in many different ways were instrumental in comforting them, but there was always the sense of needing to stay strong and move on. More were coming and there was a good chance the big one was looming (and did come). Now, we can go back and grieve them fully.
20. How did he not know?
21. October and the black and orange has been replaced by pink.
22. I am so tired of our media/society playing, “Gotcha” with sound bites, people’s quotes, and ten degrees of separation from something salacious.
23. You’ve heard of the phrase, “If you give a pig a pancake?” (it’s a children’s book). Well, if you give Rachel a piece of furniture, a trinket, or a small household project…
24. You’ll end up with something creative, beautiful, funky, very well done…
25. …and 10 subsequent projects that are intertwined.
26. Yeah, November 5th is coming. Not sure what to do with that. I have my ideas on that. I think I’m pretty alone in those ideas being good ones.
27. After we went to the Highmark Caring Place on Monday (which went fine thank you) we drove through McDonald’s. I figured that at least they could look forward to that each time we go. I told them that they could have whatever they wanted. Joe got a milk shake. Bella said, “I’ll have fries. I’ll have ice cream at home.” How quickly she schemes and works the system (or a simple blessing) for all it’s worth!
28. I made Unstuffed Cabbage this week (basically ground beef, tomatoes, and cabbage). Not bad.
29. In case you were wondering, things at Faith Community Church are awesome (I’m the Pastor there). I realized the other day (on a Sunday) that I get the greatest sense of peace and comfort as I pull into the parking lot on Sunday mornings. I truly grieve for the pastor’s who have the exact opposite feeling. I’ve walked with too many who have experienced that.
30. The picture is of Joe in typical tv mode.