5 Years Since Trey…A List

It’s been 5 years (and one week) since Trey passed away. What do you do with that? Well, I’m making a list.

1. Overall, we’re good. All things considered…very good.
2. Joe and Bella used to say that they have lived two lives, one with Trey and one since he passed away.
3. Now they say that it’s one life and, “that happened” as a part of it.
4. I worried for a bit that they may be a bit detached, saying, “that happened.”
5. However, they have both said that they are more comfortable saying things like, “I have both parents, one sibling, and a brother who passed away from cancer.”
6. They used to be real uncomfortable when things like that came up.
7. I’m not as concerned as I was, they’re doing fine.
8. Rachel and I are ok too.
9. We like to remember cute moments.
10. I “found” a way Trey used to say crazy. He would say, “Crwaaaazie.”
11. We had all forgotten it.
12. It was cool bringing it back but a bit melancholy.
13. I mean, what else have we forgotten?
14. We never play the “He would have been x years old” game.
15. We don’t because he isn’t, won’t be, and never was supposed to be.
16. If he was to have lived longer, he would have.
17. That boy was prayed for more than I could have ever imagined.
18. Still, seeing his preschool girlfriend turn 11 causes me feelings I’m not sure I know what they are.
19. I often see her (sorry to her mom and dad) and wonder, “Does she remember him?” I mean, it was preschool.
20. Clearly, I never say anything.
21. I have found myself thinking of him more often in the past 6 months.
22. I’m not sure why that is.
23. I love to go back over the emails and messages from that time where people said how much he (and our handling of those times) meant to them.
24. It’s hard to look at the Facebook “memories” for the days following his death…draining.
25. That being said, there was a beautiful intimacy to those days that you don’t find outside of horrific tragedy.
26. I’m good on not having that kind of intimacy for a while.
27. It’s important to remember what you’ve been through as others move on quickly. There is always another tragedy to consume people’s attention. If you’re not careful, you can feel abandoned.
28. I have talked with several people who feel that way.
29. I make sure that we don’t, many of you do too.
30. You (we) can’t stay “there” but you can’t pretend it didn’t happen either.
31. Bella shared how she and a friend from school saw the movie “Wonder” where a character was overshadowed by a brother who had a terrible medical condition. She and her friend both identified with that.
32. I like that Bella can join her friend (whose brother isn’t gone but takes attention away from her… a lot) in her pain/situation.
33. I did a funeral the other day and drove past Trey’s headstone (we’re not cemetery people)…it was still there. He wasn’t.
34. I will never stop being grateful for how God used so many people to love us through those times.
35. One of my the most loving moments of my life was just before his funeral, in the family/friends waiting area, looking at my “guys” who were there for me.
36. They didn’t (nor could they) say a word. They just stood there along the back.
37. It was almost like a movie, so strong, so silent, so much love and support.
38. Worst/best moment ever.
39. Epstein Didn’t Kill Himself
40. Best/worst moment ever.
41. Every tragedy is an opportunity for extravagant love.
42. No wedding is like yours, no birth of a child is like yours, no funeral is like your child’s.
43. Even on a Trey memorial post I’m not ending on an even number.