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Yep.  One week.  You know how you very often say of some event, “Wow, in some ways it seems like years ago and yet it feels like it just happened yesterday.”?  Well, in this case it seems like it happened years ago, that’s all.  Trey’s funeral was only one week ago today.  How is that possible?  I’m not sure.  I am certainly not going to convey my thoughts as perfectly as Rachel did on her post on her blog (not even close today) but it is remarkable to think that it was only one week ago we were getting home after a family lunch (post funeral) in a physical and emotional daze.  So much has happened.  I feel like I’m drinking from an emotional fire hydrant.

I do know one thing.  So many people have enabled us to survive.  Nope, I’m not naming names.  I can’t and won’t do it.  Not here, not now anyhow.  Too many people, too little clarity of mind.  As per my post last week the cloud that replaced my brain still seems to be there but there are some breaks.  I’m quicker to write down (or type) those things that break through when the cloud lifts or thins.  I suppose it’s all part of what is now one of my least favorite phrases (for whatever myriad of reasons) our “new normal.”  Yes, that cloud will lift or thin a lot in the coming (insert period of time here) but for now it’s still mush.  I’m careful not to be overly reactive to things or people who rankle my feathers or burrow into my understandably thin skin.  I attach as much comfort to my pain as I can.  When I have to I even pray and beg God (that’s a public confession that even I the one known as the “Great Faithful One”…not by me mind you, forgets where my strength comes) to keep me upright, my tongue silent, my anger from going where it shouldn’t, my fingers from typing, my computer from posting, and my mind from spiraling.  Lastly, when it comes to my wife, my son, my daughter, and my extended family and church family I will still bite down hard, keep my head moving, head up, chin down, and swing hard to protect them.  Yes, one battle is complete but the next is here and I’m in it to win…again.

Well, before we go further, let’s go backward.  One week ago today I gave the sermon of my lifetime to that point.  Everything was on the line.  It was a memorial to my son.  It was an explanation to many.  It was the culmination of months/years of observation/prayer/and preparation.  God had put in on my heart and I was to let Him speak for as long as it took.  I just had to get out of the way.  After I got home from the second day of viewing (5 hours straight, 9 hours and over 1,200 people in two days) I was nearly crushed by the enormity of it all.  I went to bed toward 1:00  and awakened at 4:30.  I didn’t really sleep after that, I kept going over what I was to say.

So, without any further explanation or build up, here it is.  I opened my mouth and prayed that God would speak.

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