Download PDF

This post is an of itself inappropriate.  I had breakfast the other morning with a Pastor friend of mine who made note of how some of my material is a bit “out there.” and that I get away with some things because I don’t face the scrutiny that a full time Pastor or public figure does.  Fair enough, though I would contend that I wouldn’t change all that much if I did…which very well may explain why I am not employed by someone to be their Pastor.  Either way, here’s another one.

I am writing this post on behalf of the every man (and woman).  If you are a rigid, stoic, holier than thou type, quite simply you will be offended by this.  No, this is for the average person who lives an average life and travels in very typical social circles.  You all look at the everyman and wonder why he doesn’t get involved in your church, social organization, etc. and look at his life and shake your head.  “They just don’t get it” you think.  “Why don’t they just realize how much we care, how much we could offer them, how much we love them?”  you continue to ponder in meetings.  Oh, I could and will (and to some degree have) explained this in less humorous form at a future date.  For now, I will point out one main reason.

You clearly do not do enough research on or have enough social awareness of multiple ways that a word or phrase can be used.  This is an epidemic in all churches and in institutions of higher learning.  I”m sure that corporate America, at some level, struggles with this as well but for now churches are my focus.  This is not aimed at any one church as there have been way too many examples from many different churches where I have attended.

So, with ALL that being said, please stop using the words: junk, balls, stuff, rod, expose, prick, hard, anal, penetrate or any other innuendo/reference that can be a different way.

Also, please stay away from phrases like: jungle fever, love on, lay our junk on the table, do this orally, etc.

Mind you, I have actually heard all of these during church services.  I have been either paying great or little attention but once I heard them I certainly became quite alert (if only that was the intention of the word/phrase).  My head quickly turned around desperately seeking anyone else who caught it.  At best, one or two people were acknowledging said statement and tilting their head, looking around as well, wondering if they were alone in giggle.

It’s not that I have a problem with any of these phrases.  Remember, I’m the one giggling, looking at my wife and maybe one or two other people in the service who have noticed what was said.  I suppose that more people may have realized  the double entendres but just do a better job of being mature about it.  Yet, that’s exactly my point.  The new guy, the visitor, the first time ever in church guy looks around and thinks, “wow, these people are way out of touch.  They have no clue!  What could they possibly have in common with me?”  Worse yet, they may think, “I am so out of place here.  I am just a dirt bag for even thinking these things.”

All right, full disclosure, I am the focus of this post.  Rachel and I (and one nameless employee of the church where I do or have attended) have shared knowing looks of alarm when these things are uttered.  We look around to see if anyone else has noticed the “that’s what she said” moment.  We are alone.  Join us, let’s all giggle together, let’s snort, chortle, even guffaw and stop pretending like nothing was said.  The bonus will be when the first time visitor realizes, “Wow, these are normal people just like me.  I feel accepted and comfortable here.”  Everyone will be better off.

Share This