When I worked for Young Life I was always told, “The best time to raise money is when you don’t need it.” The theory behind that was it was easier to ask people to give when they knew you were healthy as an organization. If you were in deficit, you were most likely not doing things the right way. No one wants to put money into a sinking ship.
The problem is, when things were going well it was very easy to NOT raise money. It was much easier to rest on your laurels and take care of other things. To be sure, there were many moving parts running a non-profit ministry and if something wasn’t demanding your attention then you would very often let it be. Invariably, the money would dry up and you would be left scrambling. Mind you, I was on Young Life staff for 12 years and one of the main reasons why I left was my inability to continually focus on the finances.
Sadly, there is a great parallel between this and ones marriage/relationships. The best time to work and build upon your relationship(s) is when things are in the positive. Too often…most often, the only time we “work” on our relationships is when things are, in fact, not good. For many people, when things are not bad we are relieved. A good relationship is defined as one without drama, conflict or turmoil. However, that only leads to inevitable struggles within that relationship.
Hard times and conflict are evident in any and every relationship. Too often, we just try to get through them. Very often, time passes and we just “forget” about it and move on. This results in a somewhat conflict free period until that very same struggle arises again. This demonstrates the need for 2 things.
The first is better conflict resolution. I have spent many hours on our podcast, in church, and in this blog (years ago) teaching how to do this. I will be do that again in future posts as I have only become more knowledgeable, and experienced in this as the years have gone by. The second is the point of this post today (and the impetus for me restarting jaymitlo.com). We all need to work on and strengthen our relationships when things are not only NOT bad but, in fact, good.
Why don’t we do this? Because we don’t know how. We are in fear of “rocking the boat.” We leave well enough alone. If it ain’t broke we don’t value fixing it. If we try to work on our relationships during good times it very often doesn’t go well and then we end up in conflict. So, we don’t. Then, it’s only matter of time before things aren’t good anymore.
The thing is it takes nothing more than a little well guided intentionality. If both of you are willing to work on the relationship it can be a really positive step to a stronger healthier bond. It takes knowing what each other wants and needs and being willing to give to one another.
Recently, we went over a structured idea to help people in their relationships on our podcast Lunchtime in Rome. You can watch it here or listen to it on your favorite podcast app. It’s episode #231. We go over a simple step by step way to build upon your relationship. If you’re new to what emotional needs are and how they impact us, this could seem a bit confusing. I encourage you to scroll through some of our past podcasts about this and even many of these blogposts. I will be revisiting a lot of it in future posts as well.
Take a minute to think and pray about all of this. We work on a lot of things in our lives. Why not spend some PROACTIVE time building our relationships? Don’t just wait until they’ve gone too far in the wrong direction. I’ll be praying for you all.