Tuesday 1:30 p.m. EST

Why did Trey  get cancer?  I don’t know.  Will God heal him?  I don’t know.  Does he know what it is let alone that he has it?  I don’t know.  How much is this affecting Joe and Bella?  I don’t know.  Are Rachel and I doing the best job possible in raising all of them?  I don’t know.  Are Rachel and I loving and serving each other the best we can?  I don’t know.

How do my children know that we went to bed early last night (12:30 a.m.)?  I don’t know.  Why did Trey wake me at 1:30 and then Joe and Bella at 5:00?  I don’t know.  How the crap did Joe get 6 what appeared to be mosquito bites on his knees in the middle of the night?  I don’t know.  Why did he cough every 5 to 10 minutes for the rest of night/morning (keeping me up)?  I don’t know.  Why was he nauseous after he did get up?  I don’t know.  After I gave him more Calamine lotion (we were out of Benadryl) and covered his knees with an ice pack (back up in his bed) why did he ask me about when I took Trey to the hospital in the middle of the night when Trey had just turned 3?  I don’t know.  How do I encourage Bella and her new “odd job” business without burdening family, friends, and neighbors?  I don’t know.  When Joe felt better (fyi no fever with this at all)  just a few minutes later and it became Joe and Bella’s odd jobs business, why did he then throw up…twice?  I don’t know.  Now that he feels better (and he does having had toast and then lunch and has said as much) WHAT THE CRAP WAS WRONG WITH HIM?  I don’t know.  Mosquito bites, spider bites, psychosomatic, stress hives, West Nile, Lyme disease?  I don’t know (the pharmacist encouraged oral benadryl and topical hydrocortisone…fyi).

When Rachel came home from the hospital with Trey (Physical Therapy) and asked me 10 questions about our schedule for this and next week, I DO know what my answer was, “I don’t know.”  When my mother mentioned that one of her tv’s (which she has had trouble with) hadn’t worked for the past week, I DO know what my answer was, “I don’t know.”  How many more days of this sinus infection am I going to have before I get better?  I don’t know.  There’s a thunderstorm coming so Rachel and the kids are coming home early from the pool.  When will I nap?  I don’t know.

Update:

Wednesday 11:35 a.m. EST

The storm hit, power went out, things got crazy, things got ok, things got frustrating, but then something happened.  We normally host people on Tuesday nights for t.v. and wings.  Since we had no power until 7:30 a.m. today we couldn’t host so I went out and met some of the regulars.  I got to spend time with one of my main guys who now lives out of town.  What a huge blessing THAT was!!!  The ME time was HUGE for me.  I stayed out later than I wanted and felt horrible leaving Rachel in the dark literally and figuratively.  She was awesome and understanding.  I will sum it all up (this is a blog post and not a diary after all) and ask the question, “How can life sometimes feel like an epic battle when all you’re doing is facing the day to day challenges that each day brings?”  You can finish this post by simply mouthing the words, “I don’t know.”