This seems to be happening with alarming regularity lately. I either have the idea of a post or I actually write a post and then it simply does not work out. Yesterday I spent more than an hour and a half on a post entitled “To the Naysayer” and it was directed at all of the things that get whispered (or even unmentioned but intimated) to people I know in regards to our “situation” but never asked directly to us. While my stance was (and is) “It’s ok, ask…in fact, I’ll just write about it” the post came across almost defensive if not defiant. It actually ended up so negative that it lead me to today’s title.
A moment of purity. There is so much negativity and crap in all of our lives. In my life I’ve been facing/seeing deception, manipulation, disappointment, money problems, heart breaking stories, feelings of powerlessness, despair, no direction, frustration, and hopelessness. That’s just from the first two weeks of coaching (Ha Ha…sigh). However, my dreams are dominated with a lack of preparedness, things that die, missing out on opportunities, confusion, etc. It’s hard not to see where a lot of that comes from. I’m always on point, always battling, moving forward or at least standing firm, thinking thinking looking searching. In reflecting and praying this morning I was impressed with today’s title and it stuck with me. A moment of purity.
The other night I had Trey with me when I took Bella to dance. To watch Bella dance alone is a beautiful thing. Is she better than everyone else? Who knows? However, it’s her moment(s) to be the one, to shine. She is not Trey’s sister or the Mitlo’s daughter there. She is Bella the ballerina. Joe has his jiu jitsu where he is just Joe, and he is doing well. Back to dance. Keeping Trey under control for those 30 minutes can be daunting if not nearly impossible. Yet, I finally got him to just sit on my lap and watch my videos of our family (not YouTube videos…he gets enough of those at home). He never gets to use my phone anymore so it was a special treat. Then it happened.
I remembered other times where I stole a moment. Rubbing circles on his back, sitting alone with him on a ferris wheel, hearing him sing from the backseat are all examples of these moments of purity. As he sat there lost in a video of him carrying a tree branch three times his height in our backyard I pressed my nose up against his hair. I ever so gently nuzzled my nose back and forth against his freshly cut hair. His head was warm if not a tad sweaty. I could feel his belly move in and out with each breath (I dare not…not hold him as he could jet off at any time). I think of so many movies and tv shows where someone suddenly passes and the loved one holds the lifeless body for one last time. I was holding his ever so full of life body…right now. It was…a moment of purity.
We all need more of these. I think I would yell at my kids a lot less if I did. I occasionally, during our 15 minutes, just rest my knee up against Rachel’s, hearkening back to the first weekend we met where that would send jolts of lightening through my legs and butterflies throughout my stomach. I kiss Bella goodnight and press my lips hard against her forehead. I slowly scratch Joe’s back and tell him how proud of him I am. These are moments of purity that combat the negativity and the mess of a world that we live in.
When the bad times surface or the horrific times are realized, I will remember these moments. I almost feel I should write them down (ha, I just did) so I don’t forget them. Yet, if I’ve done it correctly those moments are attached in my heart never to be forgotten.
Moments of purity, seek them, feel them, embrace them. We need them.