As time goes on I keep making sure that I am constantly “processing” and stretching my grief muscle. Yes, there are times when I look at Trey’s pictures and think, “Oh yeah…that happened.” I used to call it the “mannequin” stage of grief. It’s when you are almost looking at your life and thinking, “Wow, this must really be tough for them” when the “them” is “you.” However, I am everpresently aware that this is my life. I miss him but not in a despair way. I am startled from time to time by the loss but quickly wade through the emotions and end up back where I started…fine(ish). To sum it up for now I would say that the number one thought that goes through my mind is, “So…this is the other side of that dreaded fence? How about that?” It’s ok over here. I’m still me.
That being said one thing I do is go over the past few months, sometimes alone and often with others. I process the hurts by allowing others to comfort me and just check in with myself…and (you guessed it) others. I stumbled into something that makes perfect sense but the details surprised me.
I was thinking about the viewings and one thing jumped out and screamed at me. There were several people who”lost it” to varying degrees and wept as they were with us. I’m pretty sure I remember each one. Even as I type this their tears bring tears to my eyes. Given my understanding of comfort it doesn’t surprise me. What DOES surprise me, and I apologize to any of you who thought you may have nailed it, I can’t really remember anything anyone SAID to me during the viewing. The only things I remember being said were thing I said to those who were so sad. I actually said to a couple of people, “I’m sorry for YOUR loss” and I really meant it. Trey meant a lot to a lot of people and my heart broke for some of them/you especially. I actually teared with and for them.
I say all of this not to disparage you or make you feel like you waited for an hour to be forgotten. I do not forget you, I forget what you said. Yet, for those of you who cried with and for us, the impact remains and will for a lifetime. You have attached comfort to pain. Jesus did it in Romans 12: 15. You did it for us at the viewing. That really helped us, and will help others.